The Past

Why is it that we go through experiences that we are meant to learn and grow from and then just let them hold us back later in life? When it comes to love we hold on to so much... is that because we dont want to be okay with giving up on the past relationship? Is it because we have a innate need to feel the rejection we went through was not because of us and if we get the past back we will know we were not being rejected? Is it beacuse we think it is not okay to allow ourselves to have those feelings for someone else and be happy, or is it simply that the new situtaion we are in is not what Heavenly Father wants for us?
I have gone through a lot of heart ache over the past year, thinking I had what was right, what was complete happiness and peace for me and then loosing it. I felt so sure that it was right and then it was gone. I dont regret the experience at all because I think that not every one ever gets to be that happy during their lives and I was blessed with the chance to have it for a moment. I have since realized that what I felt wiht this person in all reality had and has no chance of working out, in fact we would drive each other crazy, then why in my new relationships do I hold onto so much of the past and not just let the relationship grow and develop. I am scared of not being able to trust my own feelings. I think it is ironic that when we have expereiences good or bad and we try to better ourselves from them, that sometimes all we do is wind up huring ourselves more because we cant let go of the idea of them and let ourselves see what the next new adventure brings weither it is something that will work out or it is something that we will have another life lesson from. This is exactally why singlehood has its benifits, no need to worry about and stress over any of this stuff when you are not in a relationship. Then again there is nothing more gratifying or rewarding than discovering who we are, who someone else is and being able to share that with each other.

Excittment

I am so excitted today. This weekend I went and got my buisness license for my new company named " Time Makers" it is a service company for working families which helps them with every day errands. This will help make the time they do have with their children quality time. I hired my first employee today and we start on wenesday. The first thing I am doing is going into schools and offering hair cuts to the children while they are at school or day care. Then I will go from there. The problem is I need a logo and I am not artistically creative. Any ideas from anyone would be a great help!
On another note I should prob. tell you all that I am dating someone new. We have been dating only a few weeks and who knows where it will go, but I will say... it is fun, we treat each other great and I know he makes me not only want to be better but to actually be better. I cant speak for him but I hope I have the same effect on him. I dont know what it is about tall guys with my family, first Kim with Drew and now me with Cliff who is 6ft 9! We are working on "just being" and anyone who knows me knows that is my new life motto. You know I realize more and more every day... there are hard times in life, but its the hard that makes you great. It makes all the good times even better!

Its about time

Wow it has been awhile since I have written and am getting some comment from my family so I better get something up. I am just not sure what to write about... I could thank my family for all their help with helping me to raise money for the triathalon and I let them know I am in the top 5 fundraisers currently due to their help.
I could tell you all about the amazing time I had this past weekend at Seven Springs, PA. with 4 good friends. I love catching up with old friends. My friend Natalie came to town for seven springs and we had such a good time. I really admire her for always wanting to serve everyone! She is a inspiration to me.
DO you ever just want to take the great things that you see in your friends and family and figure out a way to just let everyone feel the goodness that comes from those qualities. I am so blessed to have met and continue to meet such amazing people.I look at my old friends, new ones and family members and it is so evident to me that it really is true.... we really are all children of God. Just like we inherit so many qualities from our earthly parents we each have inherited Heavenly Fathers qualities. It is up to us to decide if we are going to live up to them or not. I tell you what, He has allowed me to meet and have as a part of my life people who definitially try to live the lives He wants for them. It amazes me how one person can do one thing and it can affect someone so much, more than the person who did the act could ever know. Im not sure why I went off on that, it is 11pm and I have been up for 29 hours all except the 2 one hour naps I had. You all know how I get when I am tired.... chatty and cuddly but since I am working I will have to stick with the chattiness. I guess the whole point of tonights writting is to say thanks to everyone in my life who is such a example and for each trying in their own way to live up to Heavenly Fathers will for them and to say that the little things you do dont go unnoticed.

Relief Days

Every once in a while we all have those days that I think are a way of Heavenly Father just giving us a whole day of peace and happiness. You know, one of those days where the sun is shining and it seems to get to the core of your spirit and just gives you a relief from the every day stresses we each have.
This morning I had my first group run for the triathlon. Ever since I started gaining weight when I was young I have been scared of playing sports or exercising in front of anyone. I have never been running with people around before and still carry that feeling from before I lost the weight. Well I had convinced myself, which was not hard, that I was not going to go to the run trainings until I got better on my own, I didn't want to be the last one and to look completely out of shape compared to everyone else. I have been doubting my abilities over the past few days and have even wondered if doing a triathlon is right for me. Well I decided that if I did not go today I would continue to have excuses. So I did it and LOVED IT! I ran in the level 1 group which is the easiest of the 3 groups but I did come in first in the group. I didn't care what I came in just as long as it was not last! I chatted with another team member the whole run and it really went by fast for me. Then off to work where I was able to spend some time with the ladies I work with in Baltimore, then when we came home I wheeled one of the ladies who I have a great connection with, outside in her wheelchair. She sat in her wheel chair listening to my mp3 while I sat next to her reading a church book. She reached out her hand for me to hold it and we sat in the nice weather not talking but just enjoying the beautiful day Heavenly Father had given us and enjoying what could be one of our last times together, due to her health. Thanks Heavenly Father for today and I cant wait for the next one!

MOving

WEll both my sisters are moving away in a few days. It hit me the other night while having dinner with my family and my sister said... "is this the last time we will see you?" I didnt put it together that they were really leaving. I had no idea when I moved back here almost 4 years ago to be close to them then time would fly so fast and then they would both move away at the same time, and take my nephews and niece with them. Life is about change and learning and I wish them the best and know that they are both doing what Heavenly Father wants them to. I know they would not make a big decision like this if they did not know God's will for them and their families. I dont tell my family much how much I care about them, I dont really tell people in general. I try to show them, but words are harder for me. I will just say that I don't cry very often at all but anytime I think about saying goodbye to them or think about not being able to drop by to see my nephews on a sunday afternoon I have to fight back the tears. I know they will benifit from this move and I know they will all get what they need out of it. I feel sad for my parents whose lives are those boys and I dont know what to do to help fill that void for them, yet I know it is my responsibility and desire to do that for them. I dont have children to offer them, In fact I dont know what I have to offer them but I hope that whatever it is Heavenly Father will lead me in the right direction to figure it out.

Triathalon

Wow I dont know what I have gotten myself into but I am in it and going to do it. I have always wanted to do a triathalon and now is the time to prove to myself I can while also earning some money to help a good cause. Check out my triathalon webpage.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/nca/nattri09/sknowles