Moving on

I have just spent forever creating a new blog for my new life. My plan was to then sign on here and tell everyone to look us up on the new site. Well I just realized that I could have just added to the blog I had. Aghhh oh well, I will keep this as my personal blog but check out our family blog at http://cockerillchronicles.blogspot.com/

Did I really do that?

Sept. 14th has come and gone. SO many months of training all for that one day. Was it worth it? It was amazing! It was so worth it. I did my olympic triathalon and felt the most amazing feeling of acomplishment. I have not written yet about it because I wanted to put some pics up and was waiting on those. Ill get them soon and add them. I started the race with my mile swim. When I got in I was so so so nervous. While I was swimming in the potomac I was in race mode but decided that I just wanted to have fun, take it in and enjoy how far I have come on the journey to take back my life. As soon as I decided that during the swim I had a blast! After the swim I hopped right onto my bike for a 24 mile ride. We rode past a lot of the sights of DC and out into georegtown. When I got on my bike I heard a yell for me and saw it was my friend Traci. It was so great to see her and it really gave me a push to go. The ride was great so fun and I couldnt believe how fast it went. I had a bad cold but thanks to Zicam and being able to blow my nose in my hand the whole bike ride I was okay. If you think that is gross you should see half the things other people do during triathlons! After the bike I got off and started my 6.2 mile run. It was blaring hot, felt like we were back in the middle of the summer. The course has no shade so we were all miserable. I kept praying and Heavenly Father blessed me so much. I did not want to walk and finish the race not feeling like I worked my hardest. So I imagined all the people I knew who had passed away of cancer (which is the cause I was racing for) or just close friends who have passed for other reasons. When i got tired, I asked them to take over for me and they did. They carried me through a lot of it and I am so greatful for that. Another blessing I had along the run was a lady named Cindy. We started to run together and encouraged each other the whole time. I told her that I had lost 100 pounds and that this was my moment of "I really did it". She was amazed and kept reminding me when I was tired why I was doing this and how easy this is compared to all I have been through. She was definitially a gift from God. We lost each other for a little bit but found each other for the last little while of the race. The last 50 meters were HORRIBLE so close to the end but still it seemed so far, we couldnt walk, to many peopel around :) we encouraged each other through the end and we crossed the finish line together. At the finish line I saw my dad right away. It was so great to have him there to celebrate with me. He and I relaxed for a little bit, I stretched made him take pictures, and waited for Cliff to find us. I talked to mom who could not come cuz she had major knee issues going on. Man what an amazing feeling. We then were supposed to take a shuttle back to our bikes and ride our bikes 3 miles to the hotel where the cars were. Instead I wrode mine a few blocks to the metro and went home with Cliff. My groin and my neck were sore that night, I got a fever and my cold really sunk in. The next day I was not to sore and life was great. I am so blessed that my cold held out until the race was over. Heavenly Father definitially watched out for me! Once Cliff and I got back to his place we packed him up and he left for Arizonia first thing the next morning. It was hard to see him go and I miss being with him all the time but really this has been good for us. It has been 2 weeks and we talk a lot during the day. We are able to see how our relationship hold up when all we have is communication. It has only strengthened us. His sister is a flight attendant and flies into dulles every week. We send little gifts for each other back and forth with her. It is so fun to wait in antisipation during the week to see what we each will get and see how the other one reacts when they get what we sent. On Thursday I am flying out to AZ meeting him and then we are driving up to salt lake. I am excited to meet his friends and have him meet mine. I wish he could spend more time with my family, they are all spread so far out that it is hard. He says that if they are anythign like my dad, he will love them. He thinks my dad is helarious. ANyway it is almost 1 am. I know I am rambling again. Just so much excitting, hard and great things going on to share wiht you all.Hope all is well!

The trip

Well we just got back from our adventures this weekend. Cliff and I got on the plane at 6 am. We wanted me to be suprised so we were seing how far we could get without me finding out where we were going. I had on noide reduction headphones and he checked us in, carried the tickets through security and made sure everyone we came to knew not to say the destination out loud. We went to JFK to transfer planes. At one point I saw a sign that said long beach, so I thought maybe that is where we were going. We were on the plane and Cliff told me where we were going, or at least where he had me believing we were going. He said that we were flying into pheonix to get the rental car, then going to tiawana and staying on the beach in a over the water bungalo (which he knows is my dream to stay in one of those for my honeymoon, but in Tahiti). Then we were going to go drive up the california coast to a bed and breakfast in wine country, which I thought was wierd since neither of us drink. He made sure he said that we woudl just swoosh the wine around in our mouths then spit it out. LOL. Then we would head back to Pheonix stop and meet his family for a little bit and head home. THat story lasted until I started saying well arnt we going to stop and see your famiy when we get there to begin with? DOnt you want to see your dogs ext. His reply "babe this is your weekend so if you want to we can but it is all about you this weekend" Yeah I know I am dating a sales man.
So then he slipped and said something about "when we get to my parent house". I caught him, he covered it up, then when we got to phoenix he said just kidding we really are not doing that stuff. After I got over my disapointment for the bungalo I was excitted to find out what we were doing. First we went to his parents and got settled in, that is where we stayed the whole trip. We then went to the lake where his family had a BBQ for me. We swam in the water and had a great time. Later that night we just relazed and I had a chance to spend some one on one time with his father then his mother, then his sister. It was great to get to know them and see how well we all related. During the converstanion with his sister we were talking about how the innocence and the way we view the world is changing due to the happenings in the world. We talked about how great it would be if we could trust other people enough to live in a world with the innocence and "rose colored glasses" while knowing at the same time they will not decive or take advantage of us. I said to her that I felt like I could live in a world like that with Cliff. As soon as I said it I got goose bumps all over and almost started crying. It was so wierd! I never feel emotions to that extent. Now dont get me wrong I know that Cliff is far from perfect, but I also know that he wears who he is on his sleeves.. the great, the good and the bad. THe he is who he is and that he is not going to decieve you into beliving otherwise. (that is unless he is trying to give you a suprise weekend)
It was so great to have that experience and feel that complete level of trust for him, esp. since my track record when it comes to trusting guys is not very strong.
His dad is 81 and is up and down with his health so it was great to chat with him and get to know who he is. I see a lot of Cliff in him. HIs mom is just the nicest women you could meet. Just wanting to give the shirt off her back to anyone. She is so dedicated to the gospel and is open with her children about everything. ANyway Sat was kind of low key, Cliff wanted to bring me over to a house his parents want to give to us to fix up and live in. It is the house he grew up in and he wanted to see if I thought I could see myself there. It was great, so fun. It is a 4 or 5 bedroom, one level home with a pool. Has a lot of work but would be really fun to get set up. He is allergic to my cats so he showed me where he would build the airconditioned cat house attached to the house. Then we drove around a little and checked the area out. The off to get ready for a concert in Tuscon. His sister was going to go down with us but got deathly ill so we all cuddled with her in her bed for a little bit and then off to the concert. WE ended up missing the concert so we just went to a movie and had a great time spending time together. WE didnt get home until 3 am which is 6 am here. Needless to say getting up for church the next mornign was not that easy. We did it and had a great time. Later that day we had a talk with his mom about him and I getting married. It was great to have a up front and honest conversation about it with his mom. She had some great insight. I really connected with all of them. Later they made me a special birthday dinner, and gave me presents. Then later that night we headed to the airport for a midnight flight home. Though I thought it was going to be a good one on one weekend with Cliff and I it ended up being great and exactally what we both needed. We both felt so great seing how well we all got along, I felt great seing what potentially the next stage in my life will be, and we both agreed how great it is that we can "just be" around each other. His sister commented over and over again how great it is to see him being able to just be himself, to joke around, wrestle, laugh, show his real side. She kept saying how that is not a common thing, the level of confort we have with each other. I feel so confortable with him and didnt necessarly have that "aghhh I am so in love I could dance on the clouds feeling". I was looking for that but I think I realized this weekend, that is not reality, having someone you can see each others good and bad, you can laugh with , you can debate with and come to mututal compromises with, someone you are so confortable with that you can tell them you need them to just take care of you cuz u have cramps, someone you can see serving others all the time, that is reality. WEll it is my reality with Cliff anyway. Who knows if that is how it is supposed to be but really I dont care how it is supposed to be as long as Heavenly Father okays it and we both continue to feel the way we do. He is not Mr. Chilvery, but I love the fact that when something happens I am not afraid to say "honey, my bags need you to carry them, or the water in the fridge wants you to bring it to me". I love that he wants me to tell him the things I think he should do, if he has not learned yet what I like. He told me the other day that he does not want me to adjust to how he shows me his love, he wants me to show him how I feel love so he can show me in the way i see it. When I tell him or show him, you better believe he gets it and does it every time after. That tells me his level of dedication and teachs me a lot about how to have a mature love and not a "well he should just know" attitude on love. ANyway enought rambeling I so should go to bed. Thanks for the concern you all had for me while I was away. Sorry if I worried you, Cliff did call to tell Denise where we were right when we got there and give a phone number but I guess I should have done more. Is this really happening? Am I really headed down this new path in my life? Either way it was worth the wait and is worth every step I am on this path, even if it is only temporarlily.

Where will we go?

I have to be fast since I am at work and I am about to get children any minute. I just have to write really quick and say how amazing my boyfriend is! I know I know sappy but I have to tell you what he did. Well I dont really know but we have been talking about next weekend being our weekend to celebrate my birthday. I got kind of mad at him yesterday over some stuff and I thought that we were going to have to cancel this weekend. At midnight last night I get a text message that tells me I need to get friday and monday off work. He shows up at my house (which he is allergic to cats and I have some, so it is hard for him to come over). He shows up with flowers, then he tells me how he realizes how much I do for him and then he says you really need to get off and we are flying somewhere so pack a suitcase I can take on a plane! I am so excitted. For the trip yes, but more for the fact that he loves me so much and is willing to do whatever he can in order to show me that I am a priority in his life and that he appreciates all I do for him. That means more than any trip could ever mean. (of course the trip definitially helps :) )
Anyway I have kids now, Just wanted you all to know how great my boyfriend is. Have a great day and thanks for all the birthday wishes from each of you! Oh yeah and Jimmy... thanks for the call and your concern yesterday.

Finding time

So I have decided that every week I will write a update when i am doing my awake overnight shift. It may be a little rambly, since I get that way when I am tired, who am I kidding I am always a little rambly.
There are so many things going on in my life right now! Lets see.... it is 2 weeks from my olympic triathalon and all I can say is I AM SO TIRED OF TRAINING! I love working out, but just not in the mood to "train". I have managed to get my man into spinning classes though and he loves them! Well wait til I take him to an non beginer one, he may not be so excitted. Of course he does not know he was in a beginer one so shhhh (Dont worry he will not ever see this, that would reguire reading my blog). I have decided though that no matter what when I do the tri... I will not walk. I have to finish the race with all running so I feel like I really did it. Okay I say that on here but come the 14th that may be a different story.
Thanks to everyone who helped me raise the money for it!
Now onto boys... I mean men. I sound like such a teenager writting on her about them but the fact is, in that department, it is where I am in life. I have been going back and forth a lot over the past 4 months on weither I should be with my current boyfriend or not. We have both debated it a lot. We have a blast together, respect each other, and just enjoy what we have. We went on a trip to atlantic city for his birthday and that weekend is when we realized how great what we have really is. I suprised him for the trip. Made him wear a blind fold all the way, yeah he was real excitted about that! The first night we went to a concert we had both wanted to hear. Well we got there, they only sang one song we knew and we could not sing along so we joked a little and left. We stayed at this old old old hotel, the elevator had to be run by a operator and the bathrooms were shared in the hallway! It actually was a great place. The next morning we went for a run then off for his next surpise... a day at the day spa! It was so great we both had massages and he had a facial. When he came out from his facial he was so at ease and so excitted, all day he could not stop saying " I have the best girlfriend in the world". We both were in this total state of relaxation. After swimming in the pools we went to check into our nice hotel for the night. It was so fun. All decorated in 70's retro which he loves. I didnt know that but he thought I did and kept saying wow you know me so well. lol. So then I gave him his present. It was a book I had made about him, his favorite topic. :) We rode bikes on the boardwalk and just had a great time. We both kept saying how it felt like we were on a honeymoon, without some of the perks of the honeymoon.
So since that time we have been stuck together like glue. i mean we have our ups and downs, in fact we got in a fight this morning, we drive each other crazy and at the same time adore each other and the things that drive us crazy fade pretty quick.
The sad thing is that he leaves in 14 days to go back to Arizonia. He extended to spend more time, but that time is coming to a end. He might stay for a little bit and he has already gotten me a ticket to Utah the first week of Oct. to go to a company party with him. So now the question... what happens now. I prayed about it the other day thinking that I was going to definitially get a "it is not right" answer like I usually do when I pray about boys. Well to my suprise I did not get that answer. Im not sure what will happen between us, but getting that feeling I got when I prayed sure helped me see how scared i was all these years to open myself up. I had no idea the walls I have up. Anyway, we have been looking at places in AZ for me to move to and looking at opportunities for jobs. Nothing serious just looking. I have always wanted to live there so why not. Oh course he would have to get past my dad and my guy friends test before anything could happen.
So there are my ramblings for the night. I know it was long but Ive got all night to stay awake and need something to do. DO you blame me?

I forgot my password

OOOPs It has been a while but I really did have a good excuse. I forgot my password until right now. LIfe has been so busy and great lately. I dont have much time to write this minute but I will give a brief overview. I did my first sprint triathalon on august 3rd. It was well we will just say.... hell. LOL . No really I did it thinking it would be so easy and that I just wanted to do it to learn the feel of the race. Oh it was anythign but easy. I had a goal to do it in 2 hours and ended up doing it in 2 hours and 8 minutes. I found out the other day what place I came in. It is kinda funny but yes you are reading a posting from the triathlete who came in number 796! I know but it was out of 1600 so for my first it was not so shabby.
I will get back to you later with more details. Hope all is well!

Busy lives

Man oh man has life been busy lately. It is a good busy work, triathalon, dating, trying to rediscover my spiritual connection with God and trying to fit in as many quick trips as I can this summer. I was excitted to find out my nephews and sister were in town over the 4th of July. I was able to spend some time with them and reconnect with my nephew. We shared some laughs and good times. I will post pics after I get off my 35 hour work shift and have a chance to get them off my computer. Wow this weekend will be crazy. I worked today from 6:45 - 3:45 at my school then my 2nd job 4-10 then another home overnight shift from 10:15-8am. THen physical therapy at 8:20am back to my school 9:15 - 6:15 then I am ready to play for the night and go to a friends pool party. THen up at 7 for triathalon training, off to a picnic for the families at my school by 11 til 1. THen im going to do a mini triathalon and try to sleep a little before work at 10pm until 10am. Then sleep for 2 hours and off to church. That is what I consider a weekend. LOL It really is great things and fun things just time consuming. I dont know what I would do if I only had one job. OKay can you tell I am tired. I just rambled about nothing forever. This posting will definitially not be considered one of my "deep" posts. Oh I forgot to tell you how excitted I am to have a new niece! It is sad she is so far and that Kim is so far so we cannot help her but Kim is amazing me in how well she is doing as a mom. She has jumped right in and is loving it. I have always admired Kim and this just adds to my reasons why.